After living with fibromyalgia day to day over the years, I eventually started find a "new normal." The new baseline. The adjusted starting point from which I could then gauge my good days and my bad. Several bad days start stacking up all together. Ok, I guess this is what a flare up feels like. My pain and I have gotten to know each other, intimately. As long as I wasn't in the midst of a large flare, I learned to adjust, and generally get on with the business of living my life.
The last few months have not been at that point of equanimity. I've been having the worst flare up of pain and fatigue I can remember in the last 5 years (which is basically when I first started taking Lyrica and finally felt like a real human again). Work travel and stresses have increased, and are only getting worse over the next 5 weeks. It's been a lot to deal with.
Then this pinched nerve in neck started really acting up. Apparently my low back and old sciatica then felt left out, so it decided to come join the pain party. On top of that my headaches and migraines are increasing in frequency to the point where I'm being evaluated for an actual diagnosis of chronic migraine (which is as completely not fun as it sounds).
So on top of being so exhausted that in recent weeks I've been so tired after taking a bath I had to lay down and rest right there on the damn bathmat next to the tub, trying to keep up with travel and work weeks in the 50-60 hour range, I'm also at the chiropractor twice a week, physical therapy twice a week, and driving across town to get trigger point injections for my headaches. On top of being exhausted, trying to get myself healthy is exhausting.
I'm usually able to find the silver lining in most situations, and at my core I do believe that the universe sends a lot of this my way because there's some deep truth or lesson to be learned in this that is critical for me in this lifetime. I'm able to use meditation and breathing techniques to help with the pain. Usually.
And then this weekend I started getting odd pains in my armpits. I almost wondered if maybe I'd pulled muscles there, maybe lifted something too heavy or overexerted in some way. Then I laughed at how ridiculous that was because between my fatigue and my back pain walking is all the exercise I can manage these days.
Then this morning as I put on my deodorant I noticed some raised red lumps. Maybe some really intense irritation from shaving? Ha. No. That would mean I've shaved lately. And when fatigue is so intense managing to shampoo your hair is a gold star accomplishment, and it's winter in Wisconsin, shaving is the energetic equivalent of a luxury item. I'm in bargain shopping mode. So shaving injury ruled out. So naturally, I googled it. Google diagnoses it as enlarged lymph nodes. Awesome. Add it to freaking list.
And so tonight I've reached my point of, "Hey Universe! Enough is enough already!"
On that note, I've poured a glass of a nice Bordeaux, and am calling it a night. I hope you all are having better health luck right now. But if you're not, know that at least you're not alone, and that it's ok to not be positive all the time. It's ok to sometimes just admit you're at your limit. We all have one. We all reach it.