About to bloom

It's been quite a while since my last post. About 2 1/2 months in fact. I haven't disappeared. I've been healing. I've been putting all my energy into trying to nourish myself, be gentle, allow time and space for recovery and growth. All non-essential energy-using things went to the back burner. I had to really focus in on my priorities, and when I thought about writing, it felt like too much energy. And instead of beating myself up about it, I just gently put it to the back burner and told myself it was ok. 

My healing and growth has really mirrored the growth outside this spring. Just like my garden, I've found myself slowly but surely returning to life. I've slowly been feeling a bit better day by day, and I feel a sense of returning to myself. Returning to life. The transformation is constant and I'm trying to take it day by day, but for the first time in a long time I feel hopeful that my time to bloom and be back in my fullest version of myself is close on the horizon. 

The day of the diagnoses

When test after test is coming back "normal", it can get pretty frustrating. You know something very NOT normal is going on, but the tests aren't finding what it is. I have found myself at times thinking, "Please just let this test show something!" Let there be some concrete measurable evidence we can name, and treat. 

Well today seemed to be that day. 

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A light in the darkness

I've been growing this blog as my little side project for close to 5 months now, and recently decided it was ready for prime time. I put out the word to my family and friends, and the responses couldn't have been better. 

What really got me were those that reached out to let me know how much they connected with my blog because they too live with a chronic illness, often invisible to others. Our diagnoses aren't the same, symptoms vary, but the underlying struggles of learning to live with a chronic illness are very similar. I was moved to tears to know that in me sharing my story, the good, the bad, the fugly, I was a light in the darkness to another. This was my greatest hope for this blog project.

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New year, new resolutions?

New year, new resolutions?

2017. It's finally here. Many of us were anxious to put 2016 in the past and usher in 2017, with all the promise of a brand new year. Many people bristle at the idea of setting New Year's resolutions, but I think it's important to take time to reflect on the outgoing year in order to know what shape you want the incoming year to take. Here's how I went about reflecting on 2016 in order to make meaningful resolutions for myself.

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Winter Solstice Wisdom: It's always darkest before the dawn.

December 21. The Winter Solstice. The ancient Yule. The time of greatest darkness in our outer world. In the rhythms of nature, there is a deep drawing inward. Frigid temperatures further make us layer up, retreat, and bundle under sweaters and blankets to stay warm. It struck me lately that this is not unlike chronic pain. Pain can make us shrink back from the world, and ball up in an attempt to protect ourselves. But there is also a great opportunity here. 

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